As some of you may know, The Gray Dog began this journey back in 2002. As is the wont of most quadrupeds to wander away unexpectedly at times, this new missive has become the fourth iteration of my DLOG. No, that's not a misspelling; figure it out! Yeah, I know I lost readers, page rank and countless links, but that was never my goal. Besides, not all of my four-legged brethren can read, and most of you bipeds are too stupid to get it anyway.
My last chronicles were published in February of 2007. At that time, I gave up waxing eloquent on the web and decided to help round up a group of patriots of all breeds (even picking up a few Jar Heads and Squids along the way,) and deployed to Washington D.C. to bark and snarl at a wild pack of anti-American curs, who threatened our warrior’s memorials. My third deployment was in March 2008, where we gathered to mark our spots around the IVAW’s Winter Soldier II hearings, and then on to triumphantly roam down Constitution Avenue the following day. While we may not have rid ourselves of the infestation completely, we certainly scattered the baying hounds in code pink collars into the alleys and sewers from whence they came. They now know they are not the only hounds on the street.
For the next two years I wandered from town to town, snapping and growling when necessary, always staying a step ahead of animal control, when suddenly I found myself in a strangely familiar place. Familiar as in a dream of somewhere I had lived before, yet very different today. Before I could make my own determination of where I was, I was quickly netted by a very aggressive dog catcher (must have been a Democrat,) and found myself in what was described as a rescue shelter.
WTF? I yelped, wheezed and whined to no avail. I was busted for walking in an alley without a license. What an injustice. I thought, “Just how many of you two legged creatures are here without documentation, yet are allowed to roam free?” I realized this was not a dream; it was a nightmare! Where was Eric Holder when I needed him?
After almost two months in a cage, with barely enough room to lift a leg, I was sprung by a very nice human. Well, as nice as one could want. He feeds me, walks me, reads the daily news to me, and has learned how to take dictation for my new DLOG. It’s amazing what humans can do if you have the patience to properly train them. Let me explain that I haven’t had a great deal of human contact for the past few years. As a result, I’ve gone through quite a culture shock in recent months attempting to digest what has been going on in the world of you two-legged giants. But, let me back up a bit.
The first issue to be resolved was, “Where am I?” I was in shock and awe to become aware that I had landed in the town of my early youth. Similar yet different, it even has a new name; The Islamic Republic of Dearbornistan. I had been wondering for months where all of those Nuns wearing different colored Habits had come from. Now, I get it.
Then I found out we had a new president. At first, I thought, “How cool! Mixed breed, long pointy ears and no paperwork!” It didn’t take too long to figure out that, beyond the additional fact that neither of us really knew our fathers, there was not much else we had in common. Besides, I’ll bet he never did any time in a rescue shelter. This new president guy has really surrounded himself by a group that should be on the restricted breed list. Tax Evaders, Marxists, Socialists, and that Holder guy, suing Arizona over their immigration law and refusing to bring suit against the Black Panthers. I guess he thinks poor white bipeds are no better than us dogs. But, if I growl at him, Van Jones or Obama, I’m a racist? I’m a RACIST; really? Hell the only races we mutts know anything about are when a pack of crazy Greyhounds get together to chase stuffed rabbits. Now those hounds are some real party animals. But, the one that really got my attention was when I found out about someone named Janet Napolitano calling me and all of my friends, “domestic terrorists!” Damn! (And people call my mother a bitch?) This one needs to be on a short leash!
The Tea Party! (I’m partial to Earl Grey of course, even if it isn’t spelled correctly.) That’s one new development that makes my tail wag faster than the tingle running up and down Chris Mathews’ leg. How can you not love a group of folks who can break through the Botox Barrier causing Nancy Pelosi’s face to contort like a Pug with a turd caught sideways? I offer apologies to all of my Pug friends.
So now the DLOG is launched. Some days it will contain a few new snarls and woofs. On other days, I’ll throw in some funny pictures or videos, and an occasional morph. What’s a morph you might ask? It’s like ObamaCare. I’ll have to enact one before you can know what’s in it. However like some other human BLOGs, there will be no open comments. While there are many legitimate reasons to omit them, the primary reason is that I really don’t care what you humans have to say. That’s a trait I picked up from the damned cat next door. However, there will be a contact form where you may provide either a nice belly scratch or a swat with a rolled up newspaper. Well written, non-obscene yelps from the pound will be published at the sole discretion of yours truly. For those of you who can’t write, I’ve added a few easy to use, drop-down selection boxes to help you get through this ordeal.
It is indeed a strange world you humans have devolved into in just over three plus years. It would have taken us dogs at least twenty-five years to mess things up this bad. Well, I guess that’s sort of the same time frame in my years, but I digress. Credit Crunch, Wall Street Bailout, Government Motors, TARP, Stimulus, Housing Market Collapse, Skyrocketing Unemployment, Union Payoffs, and of course ObamaCare. I would really like to get my paws on that two-thousand page monstrosity. My human has provided plenty of space for me to lift a leg now!